Why Bernie Sanders?

I just celebrated by 44th birthday and while there are a lot of things I have done to date, I can tell you one of the things I have NOT done. I have never voted.  

I'm one of the many who has watched each election cycle and became increasingly disgusted as I saw the same old, same old crap - mud slinging and lying and character attacks and candidates getting elected that then didn't do what they promised and now a Congress that basically refuses to work as one cohesive unit to get anything done. Disgusted that parties see any form of compromise as weakness instead of what it is - a NECESSARY aspect in any negotiation.

The biggest thing that really turned me off was seeing the many folks being elected making decisions NOT for the good of the people who elected them but for the good of whatever party they belong to. Casting their votes in order to keep their seats in office or to keep those big, fat corporate donors happy regardless what it did to regular folks like me.

I wasn't going to vote for someone like that.

(and while I'm at it, having researched the republican candidates and their positions on the issues and voting records, yeah - I won't be able to vote for anyone in that party at all.)

Enter this crazy old Jewish guy from Vermont. The guy no one had ever heard of unless you were from Vermont, in Congress or were heavily involved/interested in politics in general. A guy who isn't rich, doesn't have billionaire donors, flies coach as he campaigns from state to state, rides the subway to work, drives an old car, has crazy white hair and doesn't show up to work in $1000 suits. Just your typical, average guy.

When I began to research Bernie I noticed something I still find extraordinary when it comes to politicians. The things he is saying on the campaign trail today are the exact same things he's said for decades. You can pull up a video of him speaking from the early 90's and other than a difference in his appearance you'd think that video was made the day before. When you watch him speak you can see how genuine he is, how much passion he has for the people regardless if what he says is considered popular in DC.

I have no delusions that the man is perfect or some kind of political saint. He's not. Will he do all the things he wants to if elected? Probably not. Will he try? I bet he will. Are the issues and his solutions to them all 100% right and without need for further review and tweaking?  Maybe not. But I would rather have someone as POTUS who is genuine, who has strong character and who I feel is trustworthy even if he is a self described democratic socialist. Not JUST a socialist mind you. There is a difference.

Then you see who he's up against. That old battle-ax Hillary Clinton. The former First Lady, former NY State Senator and former Secretary of State. She's the favorite, the poster child for the Democratic party's chances to maintain control of the White house for at least 4 more years. She's also the candidate surveys and polls show as the most untrustworthy. The New Hampshire exit polls gave her a 6% rating vs Bernie Sanders who got over 90% when it came to trustworthiness.

NH Trusts Bernie over Hillary

You can search Hillary on Google and find all sorts of scandals - Travelgate, allegations of strong arming women accusing her husband of sexual misconduct and/or rape into silence, Whitewater, Benghazi, Filegate. The most recent being the whole email/private server thing.

Whether or not the many scandals involving Hillary are true as they have been reported, they continue to haunt her from decades back and as far as I am concerned, where there is smoke you usually find fire. Maybe she's not as involved as folks think. Maybe she's completely innocent of one but not another. Maybe she did them all and managed to get away with it.

Politicians are no stranger to scandals and I might trust her more if there had only been 1 or 2 things but dang - there are tons of them. I might trust her more if she appeared to truly want to regain the trust of the people by her actions rather than simply saying she has work to do in that area during a speech.

Thing is - I would really like to trust her. I would like to trust her because in the event Bernie Sanders does not win the Democratic nomination I will be forced to vote either for her or one of the Republican candidates. Not a choice I am looking forward to.

Bernie Sanders and his ability to reach the people and actually give Hillary a run for her money was certainly underestimated by not only Hillary but the DNC, the Republicans and even the media.  Heck, they barely covered him until just recently and if it wasn't for the internet and social media platforms I doubt he'd have done as well as he has. Yet despite being decimated  in all the early polls he managed to tie Hillary in Iowa with LESS than a single percentage of the votes and blew her out of the water in New Hampshire by double digits. He has erased the majority of her overall lead country wide. Clearly he is becoming a threat to Hillary's campaign.

Hillary has tried all the same stuff she did when she tried to beat Obama in 2008. The same dirty stuff politicians do to each other. But it isn't working because Bernie isn't the same kind of politician. He's not playing dirty like the rest of them. He's not taking money from billionaires yet managed to raise close to $7 MILLION dollars within 24 hours after the NH Primary by simply asking his supporters to donate to his campaign. Heck, there was such a run on the online giving it nearly broke the internet.

So why do I support Bernie Sanders?

I support him because he fights for people who cannot fight for themselves.  He fights for people that have absolutely NO SHOT at taking on the crap in DC. I support him because he has earned my support. He has also lit a new hope in a ton of people across the country. A hope that the crap in Washington might actually be fixable and that there is someone who might actually be willing to try and fix it.

Bernie lit that hope bright enough in me to not only change my voter registration from an Independent so I could vote in the Primary but also a hope that has done something no other candidate has been able to do.  I am going to vote in November.

#NotMeUs #FeelTheBern

The Gloves are Off!

Unless you're living under a rock, you've heard about the financial collapse and wave after wave of foreclosures all across our country.  A Google search of various words and terms like foreclosure, foreclosure fraud, illegal foreclosure, foreclosure lawsuit, MERS, RESPA, TILA, robo signing, securitization, mortgage backed securities, dual tracking, HAMP, HARP, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, loan modification, force placed insurance, etc. will yield a WEALTH of disturbing information about the amount of fraud and illegal activities banks are getting away with.

Remember those "settlements" we heard so much about where banks were paying millions to homeowners and not admitting any wrong doing?  Most homeowners saw little financial restitution for being victims of fraud and illegal foreclosures and the banks were also able to deduct the majority of those settlement dollars from their taxes as "business expenses" since they were a result of civil and not criminal actions.  Those settlements didn't do jack to punish the fraud and have certainly done nothing to stop it from continuing.

Trust me when I say that not every single person who was or currently is being foreclosed upon is a dead beat expecting to get a free house who bought something they couldn't afford. How do I know?  Simple.

I'm not a deadbeat.
I don't expect to get a free house.
I bought within my means.
I am in foreclosure.

So how did I end up here?  I got laid off. Then my husband got fired and we lost all our remaining income. When I reached out to the servicer asking what would happen if we couldn't make mortgage payments they told me the same illegal thing they have told tens of thousands of people reaching out for help to keep their homes.

We won't help you until you default on your loan

and miss 3 payments.

Yeah, it made NO SENSE to me either.

3 months later (and my credit already trashed by the bank for doing what I was told) I discover a suspect document in public records on the house. So what did I do?  I researched and educated myself and sent not 1 but 2 written requests to have the servicer validate and explain everything which they are legally required to do. The reply I got both times was very fishy. Next thing I know I'm being contacted by their lawyers (many of whom were caught with their hands in the "robo signing cookie jar" and were found to have filed hundreds of illegal foreclosure actions & documents that had to be withdrawn from the local courts). So I ask their lawyers to please validate and explain on behalf of their client. Again the answer was fishy and bam! I was served foreclosure papers about a week before Christmas Day.  Not soon after I retained counsel who smelled "fishy" as I have and here we are today. The gloves are OFF!

What so many people who have never had to defend themselves in this way don't get is just how much these activities actually DO impact them - even if it is subtle. How many vacant, zombie properties are sitting in your neighborhood with overgrown lawns and shrubs bringing down your property values? How difficult was it to get a re-fi on your existing loan or even get a mortgage in the first place after the housing market collapsed? How upside down are you on your house? How hard has it been for you to try and sell your home? How much longer do you have on a predatory loan that will convert in some way soon and make your payments shoot through the roof?

The illegal activities and bullying against homeowners impacts ALL of us, not just those with cases pending in court. What Wells Fargo is doing to me and other homeowners might not be happening to you today and to those who think it will NEVER BE YOU I say this: I never thought it would be me either.

Forgiveness

At the suggestion of a friend, we're going to take a look today at forgiveness.

I took the following definition from Wikipedia:

Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.[1][2][3] Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness), excusing (not holding the offender as responsible for the action), pardoning (granted by a representative of society, such as a judge), forgetting (removing awareness of the offense from consciousness), and reconciliation (restoration of a relationship).[1]

It's hard to forgive someone who has hurt you. I've done it and despite the difficulty (it literally took me YEARS to forgive my father for his actions) there is nothing like the peace and calm that comes on the day you're finally been able to truly say you forgive.

I think it's a lot easier to forgive someone who has hurt you vs. forgiving someone who has hurt a loved one. I had to do this when my daughter was bullied in elementary school.  I'm doing this again because my husband has been the victim of chronic abuse that went on for years and healing from this doesn't happen overnight.  Healing which includes forgiving his abuser.

My husband's experiences and story are his to tell and I encourage you to read his blog where he speaks candidly about his experiences:

Facts, Fictions and other F Words

I have no doubt that if my husband's story had been in a setting that was ANYWHERE but a church and if his abuser had been anyone but someone who acts as a pastor, the sharing of his abuse wouldn't be met with nearly as much criticism, negativity or skepticism as to his motives.

When we hear about child abuse or spousal abuse or sex trafficking of young girls for example - those hard and shocking abuses are met with compassion for the victim(s) and outrage at the abuser(s).  Perhaps it's because those abuses weren't inside a church. We wonder how those things could have happened, how things went on for so long or a common thought: why didn't they tell someone what was happening?  

The things Brian writes about are shocking to some. The things he writes about are disturbing when you really grasp just what goes on and where it happened.  Church is not supposed to be a place you run from to escape abuse.  The pastor of your church, the shepherd of the flock you are in should protect you, want to comfort you and pray with and for you and help you, not be the one who abuses you. The community of believers that surround you should come along side you in good AND bad times, not shun you or speak ill of you when things aren't all wrapped up in a pretty little box topped with a bow.

When you are victim to significant experiences/hurts, part of the healing process is to talk about what happened.  One only needs to peek into the waiting room of a psychologist's office seeing the people "lined up" looking for help to "get it out" once and for all in order to come to terms with events you cannot change and move forward.  Let's face it, if we were not supposed to talk about our hurts mental health professionals would be up the proverbial creek full of excrement without a propulsion device. (thank you Sheldon for that reference :)  Forgiveness is hard - but you can't TRULY begin to forgive someone until you come to terms with how they've hurt you.

To the folks who see Brian's blog as vengeful or an act by a bitter, disgruntled man "out to get" anyone; who see his honesty as anything BUT his taking steps towards healing and ultimately forgiving the church and his abuser I would ask you to take a moment and picture everything that he writes about.  Now imagine everything he endured happening anywhere but in a church and the abuse was done to him by anyone but a pastor and see if you'd perhaps have more compassion and less judgement about his motives.

What folks do or don't do with Brian's story is up to them.  But simply smiling and keeping one's mouth shut about chronic abuse is wrong no matter where it happens or who the abuser is or pretends to be.

I stand by and with my husband and will help him share his story to anyone who wants to listen.  Not only is it helping him but as a wonderful bonus Brian's strength and willingness to speak out is helping with my own journey towards forgiveness.

I'm proud of Brian for having the courage to write, to speak about things knowing full well many will (and already have) distance themselves from him and/or attempt to smear his character.  I too have begun to notice people distancing themselves from me.  To those of you who walk along with us THANK YOU.  If you feel you need to add distance, no hard feelings. We respect your choice and only ask for the same respect in return.

Brian and I are moving towards kicking off the dust that is on our sandals and relying on God as our compass.  We've come a long way in the past year but still have some road left to travel. God has our journey already mapped out and we trust His judgement and will walk where He continues to lead us.

Thanks for reading!

A Week Later...

Last week this morning we woke up together.  Me on the couch where I had moved for the last week to be close and you right by my side snoozing on the floor. We got up and went to the kitchen so I could give you your pills.  Even wrapped in chicken you wouldn't take them.  The denial of the chicken spoke volumes.  Mama knew it was time.

The first day without you was not one of mama's better days.  Oh how I cried for you sweet boy.

I woke up in the middle of the night and the first thing I noticed was your empty pillow. Empty because less than 12 hours before you didn't come home with us from the vet. You are, as the vet said, "no longer with us."  We did have chicken in your honor that very night for dinner.  We toasted to our favorite "Chicken Bandit" and remembered you and the happiness you brought to each of us.  Yeah, I brought stuffed dog Lamont down and put him on the floor where you would always be while we had dinner.  As silly as even I thought it was it made me feel a little better to have something there.  The empty space was (and still is) just not right.

I didn't cry yesterday.  I made myself do stuff.  It was good.  To say I felt "bad" or "guilty" is probably a bit harsh but I did a little.  When I realized I hadn't thought of you almost every second of the day it felt strange.  But even through grief, life must go on.  Go on it will and it is.

While I heard the service, I thought about you all during church (sorry Pastor R, although you did make me laugh a few times during your sermon and I remembered to put on that patience shirt when making dinner later that day so some stuff sunk in :) ) I couldn't sing much of each worship song cause I knew I would start to cry.  I guess folks around me were probably grateful since I can only carry a tune so much. I was missing you and sad.  Next to being at home I guess if you're going to be sad what better place to be sad than church.

Your Aunt Angela stopped over and brought us a beautiful urn for you when you come home.  She loved you a bunch!  This morning I printed out the last picture I took of you for your box and slid it into its slot. Even in those last hours you were such a handsome mutt with that grey, sophisticated muzzle of yours.  You aged so gracefully!

I guess I will get the call to come pick you up sometime this week.  I'll bring you home and we'll put your ashes inside your box and next to my mom you will go.  I don't know if you will be there for years on end like mom or if we'll scatter you.  Papa said you were happiest when you were with me so today I'm more inclined to keep you where you were happiest.

The void without you is massive.  Maybe one day Papa and I will get another dog - never as a replacement but as another companion who will hopefully (probably :) ) give to us the unconditional love and companionship that only a dog can give.  That you gave when you were with us.  If that happens, I suspect I'll know in some way, somehow that you'd approve.

Maddison has been sleeping a good bit on your bed.  Yeah, she stole it from you long ago but there seems to be something different.  She misses her puppy brother.  Caramella still goes to the closet as if you are still there waiting to get your bone. Like the rest of us, your kitty sisters will adjust and Maddison will always have that bed to lie on where she can smell and remember her brother.

I'm starting the week with the goal of moving forward and doing the things I've let slide or put off because mama needed to cry.  I'll still cry this week but I suspect not as much.  I'll not dread being around people as much - you know how mama just retreats when she's sad and really only feels OK around Papa and Samantha.

Baby steps... one after the other. Even when I don't make progress I'll aim each day to at least not lose any ground I've already gained.  Wise words indeed from your Papa.  :)

XOXOXO

I WANT MY DOG BACK!

You're Not Here Anymore

You're not under my feet this morning.  You're not following me as the morning routine unfolds.  You aren't here to grab your treat ahead of your sister kitties.  You weren't on your bed when I woke up at 3:30 this morning. You weren't here watching me make Samantha's lunch hoping for a scrap or a taste.

You aren't here.  You'll never be here again.

I wonder when you finally knew or when it was you finally decided to let me know it was time.  Did you wait to tell me for sure because you didn't want your person to be sad? Did you try to tell me and I didn't get it?

There was a reason you were in the pound for 3 months despite being a kind, sweet, housebroken, great with kids and neutered dog.  Thank you for staying there and waiting for me - I know it wasn't easy and you didn't like being there. I'm sorry I was late.  You picked me as your person December 27, 2004 and came home to start our lives together December 29th.  This is what you looked like back then:

We thought you were going to leave us a few years ago actually.  Remember when we put that annoying plastic cone around your neck and you hurt your leg? I know, in hindsight I wish we hadn't put it on you, my bad. Sure enough, despite what the vet had to say and what we all kind of thought you said heck no, I've got me some years left!  That was October 23, 2012.  You gave us 3 more Christmas seasons.  3 more years of tolerating me putting on that stupid, personalized Santa hat.  I love you for humoring your mama.  :)

You were getting older and getting the ailments that come with aging but you always had a wagging tail and a licking smooch and what appeared to be a smile on your face.  If you were in much pain you never showed it.

Samantha got to enjoy having you as her pup and we loved how you watched over her.  Remember when you slept with her during the hurricane?  I think you both comforted each other!

It was neat too how you and Samantha had birthdays so close together.  Yours being November 12th and hers the 18th. Celebrating your 13th and her 15th last year was fun. A vanilla yogurt covered pup friendly cake topped off the evening and I think if we'd have let you, the whole thing would have been devoured. Papa tried it and said it tasted like feet.  I remember we laughed so much that night and you didn't have to worry about any of your humans sneaking a piece of your "feet cake" when you weren't looking.

Papa joined the party after a bit and you had no problems stepping back and giving him the Alpha spot. Even when you weren't allowed on the bed anymore to snuggle with mama and no more scraps from the table you still loved on the papa and he surely loved you right back.  Remember when we went camping and despite our filling up a blow up pool for you to drink from as you wished, you wanted papa to help you out instead?

Thank you for being a sweet big brother to Maddison and then Caramella. I'm sure they already miss their big brother and I have no doubt Maddison will make sure to remember you for a long while since she already took over your bed well before you left.  At least she "let you" share it with her once - heaven forbid she show you that she actually loved you.  :)

Thank you for choosing me and choosing us.  Thank you for being such a sweet and loving dog. Thank you for our last week together.  My sweetest memory of you I think is from yesterday, less than 30 minutes before your last trip to the vet.  Mama was never to be too far away so you came up and laid down on your bed while I looked for a sweatshirt to wear.  I laid with you, held your paw and you took your last nap in your bed. I promised you it wouldn't be much longer until you wouldn't ache anymore.  I told you that it wouldn't be much longer until you wouldn't have to try and walk on legs that were weak, wobbly and didn't want to cooperate with you.

I took this picture, the last one, about 2 hours before we left:

I never really "got" how dogs were really like family. I mean, you were a dog, not a human being.  I finally got it when I sat with you on the floor at the vet, rubbing your head as you finally went to sleep. You weren't "just a dog" but you were my dog, my baby, my little man and I was so blessed to be there with you as you faded away.

I'm going to cry a lot today.  And you know me, probably a lot tomorrow and for a little while more. I'm going to keep looking for you and you won't be there. I'm going to keep checking behind my chair before I get up to make sure I don't hit you with it. I won't really need to do that anymore. But I will.  I will for a while.

I might eventually stop looking for you or making sure I don't hit you when I get up or put my feet down but I will NEVER stop loving you or missing you.  You will ALWAYS be my dog, my baby, my little man.

Goodbye sweet boy and thank you so much for making me one happy mama for a good long while.  I love you!

Just as Guilty

I think it is a relatively fair assumption that at some point in our lives we've been the victim of some form of bullying.  An even fairer assumption I would suggest is that we've all simply stood by when we knew someone was being bullied yet kept silent.  We didn't want to get involved.  We didn't know how to get involved.  We were too afraid to get involved.  We should have gotten involved.

Kids aren't the only ones who get bullied.  Adults are bullied too and frankly, let's call it what it is - they are abused by other people.  Cause really - what do bullies do?  They verbally abuse, they emotionally abuse and sadly, they also physically abuse.

Take a moment - have you, as an adult, been abused by another adult?  Was it your spouse?  Was it your boss? Was it a family member?  Was it your pastor?  Did they say hurtful things to you or about you? Do they lie about you to your face or to others behind your back? Do they attack your character in an attempt to make you look bad to other people?  Do they undermine your confidence and make you feel bad about yourself? Do they cast you aside after they've seemingly cared about you for considerable lengths of time? Does their abuse of you seem to just come naturally to them? Do they abuse you without any signs of remorse? Have you even been hit by another person?

It's hard to get help or even admit you're being abused by someone.  I know, I've been the victim of my own share of abuse.

I'm happy to say that today, no one is abusing me in any form or fashion and I will not allow anyone to ever abuse me again.  I can look back on my own experiences (dating all the way back to childhood) and find some good in what I went thru.  One thing I've learned is I need to speak out when I know someone is being abused otherwise I am JUST AS GUILTY as the abuser.  By not opening my mouth I am enabling the abusive behavior that is hurting another human being along with myself. By continuing to put that smile on my face using whatever excuse I can to convince myself everything is fine I am helping create the possibility that someone else could start being abused by my abuser.

So make no mistake, when I see/know about abuse happening to other people, I will NOT keep my mouth shut. I'm not afraid of the picture(s) that could be or are painted of me by those who don't like or are afraid of the things I have to say. I no longer will be intimidated by the very manipulations abusers use to keep their victims in line and silent.  ENOUGH!

Speaking out is scary and you certainly open yourself up to criticism and things said about you in an attempt to bash your character and undermine your attempts at exposing abusers for who they really are.  Abusers have their fans and are masters at making sure they have folks rally around them in order to protect their true selves. If you live your life in such a way that people couldn't possibly believe the lies and negativity being said about you then there's nothing to worry about.  If people will believe things about you without talking to you directly then so what? Those aren't people you should be around anyway.

If you're being abused, you don't deserve it.  You are worthy and I encourage you to summon up all your strength to say ENOUGH!  You WILL NEVER HURT ME AGAIN!  If your abuser isn't just abusing you then you need to not only say ENOUGH but need to stop standing by while you watch the same stuff happening to others around you.  Help those find the courage to also stand up and say ENOUGH!  Stand up together. Share your story with others and don't and/or stop worrying about what anyone else will say or think about you. Don't be an enabler to an abuser.  Don't help lure more victims into their world.  Just don't.

My husband has started a blog that has been the inspiration for my post today.  Take a look, read and bookmark the page so you can return and read more of the things he has to say. I guarantee if you are being abused, especially at the hands of a Mog (go to his page, you'll see what it means) you will benefit greatly from reading what he has to say about his own experiences.

f-is-for-finished

Any form of abuse by one person against another is evil.  Evil thrives in the darkness of deceit.  BE THE LIGHT.  Shine light on this darkness and stop abusers from hurting people.  Stop them from hurting YOU.

Have a blessed day friends!