You aren't here. You'll never be here again.
I wonder when you finally knew or when it was you finally decided to let me know it was time. Did you wait to tell me for sure because you didn't want your person to be sad? Did you try to tell me and I didn't get it?
There was a reason you were in the pound for 3 months despite being a kind, sweet, housebroken, great with kids and neutered dog. Thank you for staying there and waiting for me - I know it wasn't easy and you didn't like being there. I'm sorry I was late. You picked me as your person December 27, 2004 and came home to start our lives together December 29th. This is what you looked like back then:
We thought you were going to leave us a few years ago actually. Remember when we put that annoying plastic cone around your neck and you hurt your leg? I know, in hindsight I wish we hadn't put it on you, my bad. Sure enough, despite what the vet had to say and what we all kind of thought you said heck no, I've got me some years left! That was October 23, 2012. You gave us 3 more Christmas seasons. 3 more years of tolerating me putting on that stupid, personalized Santa hat. I love you for humoring your mama. :)
You were getting older and getting the ailments that come with aging but you always had a wagging tail and a licking smooch and what appeared to be a smile on your face. If you were in much pain you never showed it.
Samantha got to enjoy having you as her pup and we loved how you watched over her. Remember when you slept with her during the hurricane? I think you both comforted each other!
It was neat too how you and Samantha had birthdays so close together. Yours being November 12th and hers the 18th. Celebrating your 13th and her 15th last year was fun. A vanilla yogurt covered pup friendly cake topped off the evening and I think if we'd have let you, the whole thing would have been devoured. Papa tried it and said it tasted like feet. I remember we laughed so much that night and you didn't have to worry about any of your humans sneaking a piece of your "feet cake" when you weren't looking.
Papa joined the party after a bit and you had no problems stepping back and giving him the Alpha spot. Even when you weren't allowed on the bed anymore to snuggle with mama and no more scraps from the table you still loved on the papa and he surely loved you right back. Remember when we went camping and despite our filling up a blow up pool for you to drink from as you wished, you wanted papa to help you out instead?
Thank you for being a sweet big brother to Maddison and then Caramella. I'm sure they already miss their big brother and I have no doubt Maddison will make sure to remember you for a long while since she already took over your bed well before you left. At least she "let you" share it with her once - heaven forbid she show you that she actually loved you. :)
Thank you for choosing me and choosing us. Thank you for being such a sweet and loving dog. Thank you for our last week together. My sweetest memory of you I think is from yesterday, less than 30 minutes before your last trip to the vet. Mama was never to be too far away so you came up and laid down on your bed while I looked for a sweatshirt to wear. I laid with you, held your paw and you took your last nap in your bed. I promised you it wouldn't be much longer until you wouldn't ache anymore. I told you that it wouldn't be much longer until you wouldn't have to try and walk on legs that were weak, wobbly and didn't want to cooperate with you.
I took this picture, the last one, about 2 hours before we left:
I never really "got" how dogs were really like family. I mean, you were a dog, not a human being. I finally got it when I sat with you on the floor at the vet, rubbing your head as you finally went to sleep. You weren't "just a dog" but you were my dog, my baby, my little man and I was so blessed to be there with you as you faded away.
I'm going to cry a lot today. And you know me, probably a lot tomorrow and for a little while more. I'm going to keep looking for you and you won't be there. I'm going to keep checking behind my chair before I get up to make sure I don't hit you with it. I won't really need to do that anymore. But I will. I will for a while.
I might eventually stop looking for you or making sure I don't hit you when I get up or put my feet down but I will NEVER stop loving you or missing you. You will ALWAYS be my dog, my baby, my little man.
Goodbye sweet boy and thank you so much for making me one happy mama for a good long while. I love you!
4 comments:
I cry for you and your loss. I cry because I understand and I cry because I know that I will walk this path in a few years with my sweet boy Max. In the mean time I pray for you and hope that time will heal your loss and I will enjoy the years I hope I have left with my big fuzzy baby.
Pamela, I'm sooooo sorry to hear you lost Bono. Hugs to you.....your home will have an empty spot without him.
Thank you ladies.
My story VERY much like my journey with our first Lab, my Beautiful Boy my Big Black Lab Elvis. My Heart goes out to you and your family at this difficult time. It has been over 3 years since I held my Boy as he let out his last breath,finally at Peace.
He was with us for 11 1/2 years he came to us at 16months old. He chose ME just as your Boy chose you.
He will always be with me in the part of my heart that belongs to only him. My heart has grown again allowing room for a Beautiful Yellow Girl this time...she is my love and joy. I thank Elvis for her. After he was gone I needed that special relationship back again..the bond, the love, the laughter..My family did too. So Lady Murphy came to us when she was so small and so easy to hold in our arms. She will be 3 in April. I have decided that when she is 4 we will bring yet another Pup into our Family...Our Girl is very maternal and will love a furever friend. This house will never again be without Paws ...it's just the way it is...God Bless you with Comfort and the Wonderful memories of your Beloved Pup.
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