Ch-ch-ch-changes

WOW.

It is hard to begin to really talk about what I have seen and felt over the last 7 days.  The varying number of emotions a single human being can feel either simultaneously or one after another can really blow your cranium into many tiny pieces.

When you throw a rock into the middle of a lake, we all know what happens.  RIPPLES.  Ripples begin to spread rather quickly from the site of "ground zero" disrupting the calmness as they tear through the still water.  RIPPLES.

I have seen first hand this week how a single decision and its ripples have temporarily wrecked the lives of so many people I know and love and care for.  ONE DECISION.

If you're reading this and have no clue what I am talking about what happened is this:  my husband went into work a week ago in his role as the Creative Arts Director at FCF Church and when called into the Senior Pastor's office was fired - without warning and without being given cause.  Further details and speculation and emotion about this is neither appropriate nor helpful here but what IS most important to say is the act of my husband being fired is not truly the issue (although I won't kid you, it SUCKS.) The MANNER in which it was carried out was filled with deceit and betrayal and secrecy and contained NO true Christian values or biblical teachings what-so-ever.  Shocking considering this decision came from and was delivered by the Senior Pastor of a Christian church.  A man who preaches the Word of God.

While Brian and I are not without our faults, we have been and will continue to speak nothing but TRUTH regarding this situation.  Are we hurt, angry, shocked, grieving, perplexed, sad (this list goes on)?  OF COURSE.  I suspect we will be for a while as we sort through things and as God works in only His way to help us heal and forgive and move forward.  Those feelings do not change the truth nor make what we have to say any less factual.  There are no exaggerations driven by those emotions.  There are no malicious intentions behind our speaking out to those who ask.  We are good people who have been dealt a terrible blow by someone who, in his capacity as a leader and man of God, made his decision(s) for whatever reasons he had in a very non-Christ like way.  A man who by his very position as a teacher is called to a higher standard of behavior despite the truth that we all are not without sin.  Even pastors.

Through the pain and shock and betrayal felt (and not just by us - MANY people were dealt this blow) it has been AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL to see those people come together.  To see the hurt and the lost circling around us and each other.  Sharing comfort and hugs, praying for each other and together with one another.  An act that could so easily shake the faith of some has actually made and continues to make us all stronger and is bringing people CLOSER to God.  Anything, regardless the pain it causes, that can bring even ONE person closer to our Heavenly Father is WORTH the price.

As I watch people grieve along side of us, I am brokenhearted knowing I have no power to do anything to ease their pain and lift burdens.  My husband whom I adore more than words can express is hurting and I could hug him for days straight and it still can't take the pain and sense of loss away.  Only God can take it all away.  AND HE WILL.  So we continue to fall on our knees and ask God to take this from us - to take our pain and suffering and anger;  to help us forgive and to help us continue to trust in Him and to remember this is all part of a plan that is bigger than all of us and will eventually be for the greater good.  Only on our knees before God can we truly be strengthened.

It is my firm belief, based on what I have seen first hand and been told by trusted, Godly people, this was the best thing that could have happened to my husband.  He served God faithfully and loved his job and the people he served along side with and who watched him on that stage every week. Sadly, my husband served and loved in an environment that I can only characterize as toxic and bordering on spiritually dangerous.  The good in this will never excuse the manner in which this came to pass but just like you and me, EVERYONE will be called to atone for the sins they've committed and stand in judgement before God.  This is His fight - not ours.

I want to thank each and every one of you reading this who have reached out and continue to reach out to Brian and I.  True friends are showing themselves in droves and we are overwhelmed by your love, kindness, prayers and offers of help.

I want to tell those who are hurting along side of us that we LOVE YOU and feel your pain and will continue to pray for your clarity and comfort in this sad and confusing time.

I want to encourage all of us to pray for the leadership at FCF Church.  I know first hand how hard it is to pray for those who have hurt you but if we are to be disciples who want to live and love like Jesus that comes with the territory and allows each of us to begin true healing.

I also want to encourage anyone with questions about anything I have written here or things you may have heard or will hear in the future - go to the source(s) and resist talking among yourselves and speculating.  Do not speak out of turn and do not speak untruth.  Make your own decisions and draw your own conclusions again, not from gossip or opinion but TRUTH.

My family is weathering an incredible storm today.  Winds are blowing and waves are tossing us about.  It doesn't matter - Jesus is in our boat and we give our total faith and trust to Him knowing He will deliver us and make us the stronger for it.  PRAISE GOD!